Joy and Pain

It is unusual to see a therapist talk about joy when people tend to reach out for therapy at their lowest moments—when they are depressed, when their relationships are struggling, when they are grieving. I am not trying to minimize or dismiss the pain that you might be experiencing. In fact, it is because I am so aware of the pain that I am introducing joy into the conversation.

I believe joy has the power to heal. Joy links up with hope so that we can envision and create a better future. It motivates us and lightens our load. It is attractive—friends, opportunities, and lovers are drawn to joy. It sparks imagination, creativity, and play. Joy invites us to try one more time when the outcome is uncertain. It emboldens us to ask for what we desire and to move toward spaces where more joy lives. It gives us the courage to walk away from what no longer serves us. Joy can open, enrich, and close the metaphorical chapters in our lives. It is available to each one of us.

Joy is also realistic. It sits alongside pain, loss, frustration, and disappointment. It is not dependent on ease. Joy will not be rushed, show up on-demand, or force its way in. It is unpredictable. Joy requires continual cultivation and revision; we create and refine circumstances for joy to show its face. Joy does not simply happen to us.

Here is one more thing I like about joy: it works on an individual basis yet transforms interpersonal bonds. You do not need to be in a romantic relationship to have joy. Your partner does not need to match your level of joy for your relationship to work. You can have joy while you miss a loved one or are childless. You can share it with others if you choose to do so. Your joy can connect with someone else’s joy to generate more joy.

The figurine pictured above is a gift I received called Courageous Joy. Its tagline is “Courage to be seen, to be heard, to be healed.” It sits in my office as a reminder that choosing joy is life-changing and is one of the most courageous things that I can do.

How will you choose joy today?

(note: The figurine is available at willowtree.com. I am not affiliated with the company and do not receive financial compensation from sales or referrals.)